Get yourself lots of new cool links and extra hits.Get yourself banned!
Article by David Knopfler 25 2 97
It's the latest craze sweeping the Internet. All you need to do is to get yourself banned by the CYBERsitter software people at Solid Oak Software Inc keepers of the keys to "conservative moral standards" on the net. Believe me it works wonders for your site. Apparently it's not hard at all. You merely have to provide a link to a site they have already blocked - say for example The Peacefire Organization, or this page (now that I've added the Peacefire URL) and in turn they'll ban you! Brilliant!!
This is what Peacefire say about it
"CYBERsitter scans web pages, newsgroup messages, and Internet Relay Chat (IRC) channels for words and phrases on its list of banned character strings. These characters are replaced with blank space, and the program makes an entry in a secret log every time a page is downloaded containing a forbidden word...
Banned, are words like "naughty", "violence" and "fairy"."
So by adding that paragraph I guess I just joined the swelling ranks of the excluded. Never being very good at keeping my head below the parapet, I wrote to the good MD at Solid Oak Software Inc.This is what I said:
Email to Brain Milburn MD Solid Oak Software Inc.
from David knopfler.
Dear Mr Milburn,
Re: Pyramid Blocking.
I was heartened to read in today's UK Independent Newspaper ("No censor humour" Charles Arthur 25th February 1997) that your company Solid Oak operates from ìconservative moral standardsî. As a highly moral chap myself, with an entirely inoffensive web-site, I should like to participate in this trendy new fashion of linking to an equally inoffensive site blocked by your good selves, thereby getting myself blocked by your Cybersitter software too.
I wondered therefor if you could supply me with todayís list of inoffensive sites youíve blocked, so I can select one and in turn get myself blocked. Advertising my site as a "blocked by Cybersitter" site should generate a raft of new links to my site for those trying to achieve the same fashionable objective.
With your assistance in this matter we should be able to get the Bambi page at www.disney.com blocked fairly quickly and your apparent long term master plan, the entire Internet blocked by Cybersitter by the year 2,000, easily realised.
Keep up the good work
With all best regards
David Knopfler.
www.knopfler.com
If you want you can email Solid Oak Software Inc. or just link this page and get yourself banned automatically! Then by all means help yourself to this handsome (ish) logo and join me, Bambi, Big Ears and the swelling ranks of pyramid - building, excluded, naughty sites.The best part is that they'll probably ban everyone else who shares your Server too. Now that's value for money.
Click this award if you would like to write to Solid Oak and get banned too. Or download it for your own site, remembering to add a word like "sexual" or "violent' or even linking it to this site and you too will be instantly banned. Fun for all the family.
For anyone not too sure how to link this logo all you need to do is copy the banner to your html folder and add this:
<P ALIGN="CENTER"><BR>
<A HREF="http://www.knopfler.com/banned.htm">
<IMG SRC="banned.gif" WIDTH="312" HEIGHT="68"
ALIGN="BOTTOM" ALT="Banned award" BORDER="0"></A><BR>
and you will be hyperlinked to this page which is hyperlinked to a banned site, ergo you'll be BANNED too. Congratulations and when the entire www has been blocked perhaps the last person to leave the Solid Oak office will remember to turn off the light.
PS If you write a gentle and reasoned letter to the excitable CEO asking for clarification or enlightenment about their corporate policy it's likely you'll still get an abusive reply along the lines I did . . .
"Thanks for wasting our time with your stupid and uninformed views . . .
Don't bother us woth (sic - my italics) your crap again.
Is that clear? GOOD!"
Examples of this kind of unreasoned snarling from the good Mr Milburn are rapidly becoming legendary. See the LA Times piece for a couple of snappy examples. I'd be happy to publish your purple prose if you have enjoyed a more combustible reply from this unusually combative CEO
I found this cool looking clock at
http://www.cyber-action.com/oedreg/graphics/counter.gif
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